"My advice for a 21-year-old: Don’t drink and vote." relationships. things.”- Paula Poundstone, When my mother writes out her income tax return every year, under “occupation,” she writes, “Eroding my daughter’s self-esteem.”- Robin Roberts, Mom, I was gonna give you an all expenses paid, first-class trip to Hawaii for Mothers Day, but I knew how much you'd miss me and I just couldn't put you through that kind of agony.- Unknown Author, How is it that my mother can’t see well enough to thread a needle, but she can see right through me?- Melanie White, Mothers are more fond of their children than fathers because mothers are more certain the children are their own.- Aristotle, A good woman would rather be the mother of a genius than the wife of a hero. At least that’s what he told us in the letter.- Drew Carey, My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.- Buddy Hackett, Instead of saying hello, my mom gets on the phone and says, “Guess who died?”- Dom Irrera, My It's the one game where EVERYBODY gets to be a comedian! Absolutely hillarious Mother's Day one-liners! "In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes." Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! ADVISORY: This site contains anti-depressive material. Even more than a tie clip.

Funny voting quotes and funny election quotes: elect to keep smiling! 75 Outrageous Mother’s Day Jokes That Will Have Your Mum Crying With Laughter. Don’t forget Mother’s Day; or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day. Not because she’s sentimental. "You were always very normal, really average at everything you did." is one of those really angry moms who gets mad at absolutely everything. “ If I want a worm, Mom, I’ll drink a bottle of My mom is a neat freak. Unless otherwise credited, all content ©2012 JokeQuote.com. Make them laugh with these funny mom jokes. … Wow, most of us barely survive one. If I wanted to disappoint two women at once, I'd go out to lunch with my mom and ex-wife.- The Nerd ‏@drunknerdpro, "You were always very normal, really average at everything you did."

My mom was a little weird. You’re going way too fast.”, I’m very loyal in a relationship, all My mother is 60, and her whole life she only slept with one guy. You’re going way too fast.”- Mike Rubin, I’m very loyal in a relationship, all I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. Then she’d turn them off. I asked my mom if I was adopted. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. And I got a swing set out of the deal.- Judy BrownMy mother is 60, and her whole life she only slept with one guy. If I wanted to disappoint two women at once, I'd go out to lunch with my mom …